Notre Dame renewed

Following the surprise announcement of the installation of ‘one-armed bandits’ in the Sistine Chapel, the French Ministry of Culture has unveiled the final designs for the rebuilding of Notre Dame. The Ministère de la Culture et des Communications (Minister: Ms Marie Montpetit) explained the designs in an exclusive interview with BBC.

‘During its long history, Notre Dame has been many things: Catholic cathedral, Temple of Reason, tourist destination. The tragic fire has presented us with a God-sent opportunity. It is our determination that Notre Dame should rise again, not as the focus of an obscure cult to which a minority of our diverse and inclusive country belongs, but as a Pleasure Palace for all the family.

‘Your English viewers will better understand what we have in mind if I describe it as a combination of Blackpool Pleasure Beach, Tate Modern and the Eden Project. There will be animatronic dinosaurs under the vast glass roof, bungy-jumping in the new glass spire, a Quasimodo Experience in the western towers  and a white knuckle ride in the nave. We have been fortunate in securing, as consultants, the Deans of Rochester and Norwich Cathedrals in England, who are experts in adapting such venues to contemporary use.

‘The project is expected to be completed by February 1023, and will be opened jointly by the President of the Republic and His Holiness the Pope (who will dedicate the new structure to the ‘Spirit of Vatican II’, the world’s first cathedral to be so named).  

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