Sic Transit

A well-known Chinese

The truth is out at last! I am a Transracia! And that’s something to celebrate!

Since early childhood I have known myself to be a Chinese trapped in a Caucasian body. You will ask how I know I am Chinese (living all my life in Surbiton, my only experience of Chinese culture was the local take-away). But that is irrelevant. My own feelings and convictions in this matter are paramount. Against all evidence the contrary, what I say goes.

I hereby assert my right to live and be accepted as part of the racial group to which I know myself to belong. I demand State-funded classes in Mandarin or Cantonese, surgery from the NHS to darken my hair and adjust the slant of my eye-lids, and legislation to enforce other Chinese to give me full racial recognition.

You may find this strange, anomalous, even psychologically perplexing – but who are you to judge?

The rapidly increasing numbers of Transracials (especially young people of school age) is making it imperative that this problem be addressed. Funds must be made available, and counselling provided. Transracialdysphoria must be included in the National Curriculum.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has already made it clear that the Church of England will make full provision for Confucianists, Buddhists and Communist Atheists to be fully integrated into Parish communities. And the General Synod is making Chinese language classes compulsory for all clergy.

Of course, it remains to be seen what provision can be made for those transitioning from black to white (or white to black), current sensitivities considered.

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