Age Exchange

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It was revealed yesterday that, on behalf of Pope Francis (and following the example of Dutch entrepreneur Emile Ratelband, 69), Cardinal Parolin has approached the Argentine Government to reduce the Holy Father’s age on official documents to 45. The Pontiff, who has been 116 ever since his election five years ago, is clearly worried that the precedent of Benedict XVI may lead to further calls for his resignation.

‘We have work to do,‘ explained the Vatican Secretary of State, ‘there are doctrines to be binned and Catechisms to be rewritten: so many projects, so little time.‘  Francis, it seems, who has broken new ground in many ways since his elevation to the See of Peter, is destined to be the first Pope actually to get younger in office.

Said Papal spokesperson Fr Thomas Rosica: ‘Vatican I aside, let no one doubt the absolute infallibility of this Pope. He has changed the moral law, and now – as you will see – he is going to change the laws of nature themselves. This is a Pope who brings hope to young and old alike.’

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