Dear Uncle Frank,

I hope that by now you will have had a chance to view my NBC interview on YouTube. You will see that I did everything Parolin wanted, and majored on the great tasks to save humanity and the planet which you have undertaken.  I am afraid I am not as glib and self-confident about these interviews as you are. But I am sure Pietro  is right that this is the best way to deflect press attention from investigation of the unfortunate Vigano business.

To help with that strategy I am sending you a document I have found invaluable: The National Catholic Reporter Guide to Effective Virtue Signalling. It covers all the main points from Global Warming through Plastic Waste, to White Rhinos and Ivory Poachers, to saving the Otter. I am sure you will find it useful during the coming months. Such a pity that JP II ruled out women’s ordination!

Investigative journalism is the curse of our age. There is no telling what mischief The Washingtom Post could get up to if not effectively deflected. Remember Watergate. But so far, it seems, we are sitting pretty!

Your affectionate nephew,

Blase.