Dear Frank,

I am taking this opportunity of sending you a copy of my new book. To a Pope, I suppose, it demands a little explanation.

Since the days of Margaret Thatcher, we in the Church of England have seen ourselves as the REAL opposition to the Government. We are opposed to austerity – which the Tories misleadingly call ‘balancing the books’ – and in favour of the poor (those who use food banks, etc.)

My own scheme for the CofE to put pay-day lenders and loan sharks out of business was a modest expression of our intent. Unfortunately it proved more complicated than I first thought, and sank without trace.

In my book I address issues which nobody else seems to be treating – mental health care, social care, the NHS. Whilst the heartless Tories refuse to deal with them, we in the CofE are determined to show Christian compassion, and put the nation’s wallet where our mouth is.

With the current chaos in Italian politics, I should think you would find my book inspiring reading. If you set your mind to it (and with your media presence) I expect you could out-vote Berlusconi in any election.

Only then, of course, unlike me, you would have to live with the consequences.

Read on…

Your colleague,

Justin