Surprise! Surprise!

In a brilliant move which has effectively out-manoeuvred his traditionalist critics Pope Francis has leapt ahead of developments in all but the most advanced Western countries, and given all Catholics the right to determine their own sex. In an interview in the Die Presse, speaking on behalf of Pope Francis, Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn said that every catholic should seek to be ‘at peace in their sex before God.’

Local bishops’ conferences are charged with the task of producing guidelines for parish priests and others as they accompany lay people on their individual journeys of discovery.

Said Cardinal Rinaldo Copacabana who has been given the task of overseeing the logisitics of the exercise: ‘This is a mammoth task. Millions of baptismal certificates and entries in registers will have to be withdrawn and re-issued. But think of the benefits! There need be no more arguments about women priests; and the divorce and remarriage debate will of course be completely transformed. (Think of what Burke will make of that!) And issues of equality and equal pay, which have bedevilled Catholic social teaching for years, will be solved at a stroke ’

Contacted by the National Catholic Register and The Tablet, Fr Spadaro also waxed almost lyrical: ‘This is so, so typical of the mercy and compassion of Our Holy Father. He wants everybody to be happy and everyone to have what they want. But to do so, and at the same time to solve the most serious moral and theological problems facing the Church at the present time, is shere genius.’

Applications for gender adjustment should be made, in the first instance to:

The Prefect,
Sacred Congregation for Sexual Transition.
Via Della Conciliazione 69
Roma 00192

Diocesan Tribunals will be initiated in due course.

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