The Night of the Big Hammers


It has just been revealed that, on the night of July 14, a posse of twenty-five hastily recruited and commissioned Vicars General, at the behest of Cardinal Vincent Nichols, gained entry to the Brompton Oratory and forcibly installed a westward-facing altar.

The Cardinal’s representatives dismantled the existing High Altar – an action described by Catholic commentator and blogger Damian Thompson as ‘reminiscent of the worst excesses of the French Revolution’ – and replaced it with an altar table and matching ambo ‘tastefully handcrafted in limed oak’, donated for the purpose by Messrs Vanpoulles Ltd.

In what was described by the Sacristan as ‘a rampage fuelled by mindless ideology’ other altars were dismantled or defaced and a bonfire of liturgical music (Monteverdi, Mozart, Haydn, Durufle, Bruckner) was started in the nave, around which the Vicars General danced, singing worship songs by Paul Inwood and Bernadette Farrell.

Archbishop’s House declined to comment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s