In a ground breaking development the Church of Scotland – for so long considered stuffy and stick-in–the-mud  –  is rumored to be embracing radical modernity. In a daring move to take the  fellowship out of worship, the Kirk is to bring the sacraments into the era of SKYPE.

Baptism  and the Lord’s Supper will henceforward be accessible to church members in their own homes.

Said Church spokesperson Rev Angus McKay: ‘Baptism will now be instantly available to any household with running water and a bowl to put it in; and the family will be able to join in, whether they are in Dundee or Dunedin.’

Holy Communion, he admits, will be a slightly more complicated affair.  Instant home communion kits, comprising a vacuum-packed bread roll and a sealed plastic cup of non-alcoholic wine will be available from Amazon. ‘Simply place the pack in front of the computer monitor. When the minister-on-duty has finished the service, eat the bap and drink the wine.’ Says Angus: ‘We Presbyterians like simplicity; and it couldn’t be simpler.’

Church authorities hope that this enterprising use of modern technology will improve the image of the church and re-connect people, especially young people, with the Kirk.

‘These days we all  have such hectic lifestyles’, said McKay. ‘This way church will be instantly available at any time of day or night.’