Molto Mafioso

cardinal_hat_27922_smMemorandum to all members of the St Gallen Group.

From Cardinal Giuseppe Corleone.

Fratelli,

The resignation of Ratzinger was not the end of our task – indeed it may have been only the beginning. Francis, it appears, is not the Argentinian backwoodsman we supposed, and though he shows some signs of embracing our agenda, there are some worrying indications. He is far too attached to the traditional family really to embrace a thoroughly modern attitude, and he seems genuinely to believe a whole load of stuff which went out years ago. He even talks about the Devil, for God’s sake!

If we are to keep the project moving forward we must try to ensure that there are fewer encyclicals and allocutions, and more spontaneous outbursts to journalists on airplanes. The ‘who-am-I-to-judge?’ Francis is our man. Anything extended and thought-out is to be avoided at all costs.

Even with Burke out of the way we can expect a tough time at the Synod. Still, as Marx says – I mean the Cardinal, not the communist – if the worst comes to the worst we can just ignore the results and carry on regardless.

My own view is that Benedict is still a problem as long as he hangs on. We should certainly strive to give the old man grief – though the idea of poisoning the cat litter struck me as more poetic than practical.

Watch out for Pell.

In dmno,

Giuseppe Corleone

PS In order to evade detection by the Swiss Guard, all future correspondence will be baked into the base of a Pizza Siciliana and despatched by special courier.

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