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Ex-Dominican and husband of three, Jeremy Corbyn

So at last! A twice divorced ex-Dominican has become leader of the Labour Party! You read it first here.

Since old Dominican habits (even when discarded) die hard, we can expect something of an auto-da-fe. Andy Burnham gets a shadow cabinet post (on condition that he renounces the manscara). Yvette Cooper, however, will have to endure years of penance – spending more time with her husband. She will be obliged to wear a Che Guevara combat suit and jaunty beret at all times.

Shadow cabinet posts have already been announced for a range of ‘alternative’ Catholics, with Tina Beattie at Work and Pensions and Timothy Radcliffe at the Ministry of Defence.

A letter of loyal support from the entire Catholic community, celebrating the rise to prominence of the most rebellious MP of modern times, has been sent by Archbishop Vincent Nichols, and is published in full in The Tablet.

There have been calls for ‘The Red Flag’ to be sung after Mass next Sunday in all the churches of England and Wales. Scotland will not be participating.

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